A Different World: I Never
by Stephy-Lou Clark-Weasley
Summary: A Different World, post JE. The Torchwood Team, Sarah Jane, Martha, Mickey, Donna, Rose and the Doctor play a game of I Never. mostly a crack fic, slight angst, spoilers to my A Different World fic.


"All right, so we all know the rules to this right?" Jack asked looking round the table. "Because I do not want to waste another minute explaining the rules"

"Just get on with it Harkness" Donna said coolly.

Jack and his Torchwood team sat on one side of the table while Martha, Mickey, Donna, Sarah Jane, Rose and the Doctor sat on the other side.

"All right then let's start with something simple. I never had an office romance" Jack said a gleam in his eye as he picked up his glass and chugged down the shot.

So did Donna, Ianto, Tosh, Owen and Gwen.

"My turn" Owen said. "I never woke up pregnant with an alien baby"

"Oh screw you Harper" Gwen snapped picking up her glass and chugging the shot.

"What happened?" Martha asked interestedly.

"My Wedding day, shape shifter bit me the night before and I woke up pregnant. Almost got killed, so did my husband, my mother in law (though no big loss there) and everyone else" Gwen said remembering the day and shuddering.

"I have never shagged Jack Harkness" Mickey said changing the subject.

Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen and Sarah Jane chugged their shots.

"You shagged yourself?!" Donna squawked.

"Yep"

"That's disgusting" Donna wrinkled her nose up in disgust.

"Actually I was rather surprised how much a good shag I was" Jack said looking slightly dazed.

Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen and Sarah Jane were also wearing the same dreamy look. Donna was considering to see whether or not he really was good enough shag.

"I have never snogged an alien" Tosh piped up.

Donna, Jack, Tosh, Gwen, Sarah Jane, Rose, Martha and the Doctor all took a shot. Owen began to snigger. "Torchwood girls and their alien lesbian tendencies" he said happily. "Go on Martha, Donna which alien did you snog?"

"Rose" they both replied.

The Doctor began to choke, Mickey looked rather uncomfortable and Jack was obviously picturing the whole thing.

"With Martha it was genetic transfer" Rose explained. "It was either that or spit on her face and she wouldn't let me spit on her face. With Donna it was to shock me so I can detox myself from poison...she slapped me first but since that was just her it was hardly surprising"

"I have never been dumped for an alien" Ianto said.

Only Mickey took a drink and he shot a dark look at the Doctor who tried his hardest to look innocent.

"I have never been hit on by a historical figure" Gwen said.

Jack, Rose, Martha and the Doctor took a drink.

"Oh who by?" Gwen asked eagerly.

"No one answer that" Rose butted in. "we'll be here all day if we do, especially with Jack around"

"I have never died" Sarah Jane said.

Jack, Rose, Donna, Owen, Tosh, Gwen and the Doctor took a shot.

"How did you die Gwen?" Rose asked looking concerned for the welsh girl Jack adores.

"Insane ex-employee" Jack answered as Tosh and Ianto (who were sitting on Gwen's sides) took Gwen's hands and gave them a comforting squeeze. "Wanted revenge after we brought her back from the dead to help solve a murder mystery. She stolen Gwen's life force and killed her...we managed to get her back though"

"I have never been arrested" Gwen said in an attempt to change the subject.

Everyone but Gwen took a shot.

"All Rose's fault" Mickey and Martha said.

"First few times mine" Donna admitted. "The rest Rose's"

"The Doctor's" Rose and Sarah Jane said immediately. "Though I have done it myself as well"

"Don't ask, you just don't want to know" Jack said shaking his head.

"I have never been banished from Britain" Sarah Jane said.

Jack, Rose and the Doctor took a drink.

"Honestly! You three are the worst of the bunch" Donna said shaking her head.

"Queen Victoria banished me and Rose" the Doctor explained.

"And Queen Elizabeth the first" Rose added. "Though why I still don't know"

"So many royals..." Jack said grinning, everyone groaned. "Hmm...I have never shagged the Doctor"

No one took their drinks, however Mickey was staring at Rose in disbelieve and Jack and Martha were both staring at Rose intensely.

"Oh all right, all right" Rose grumbled and quickly chugged her drink.

"WHAT?!" The Doctor squeaked. "I-We-I-I would have remembered if we did"

"Complicated story" Rose said avoiding looking at him. If she did she might have cried. "Involves a paradox machine and being captured. You don't want to know"

"I think I do" the Doctor said in a steely voice.

"No you don't" Rose growled.

The pair glared at each other coldly.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Time Lord face off. In the red corner we got Rose Tyler, the Bad Wolf, goddess of time, our beloved friend, sister and saviour. In the blue corner we have the Doctor also known as the Oncoming Sulk. Who will win?" Donna said in a hush voice.

Causing everyone to chant 'Rose' repeatedly causing the Doctor to turn away. "All right, not now but you will soon" the Doctor said.

Rose hoped that conversation never comes.

"I have never taken a Slitheen on a date" Jack blurted out quickly in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

The Doctor took one last look at Rose before chugging down the shot, causing everyone but Rose to roar in laughter.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

Rose woke up with a groan she could feel two arms wrapped round her waist its hands resting on her belly, the owner of the arms was spooned up against her back and she could feel the snores in the back of her neck. Her head ached like hell, curse Jack Harkness he must have brought something that can even get the Doctor drunk.

She can hear another groan and she turned slightly to see Donna sitting up and clutching her head.

"Never again" she murmured. "Never ever again will I play 'I Never' with Jack Bloody Harkness"

More groans and 'I'll bloody kill him' could be heard from the other side of the table as Jack's team sat up with their hair dishevelled.

"We're all dressed" Tosh said sighing. "That's good; it means none of us did anything stupid"

"Don't know about that we might have to check the CCTV to be sure" Ianto mumbled rubbing his temples.

A gunshot could be heard and everyone winced while the Doctor and Sarah Jane sat up awake.

"JACK!" everyone shouted.

A whistle could be heard and Jack strolled in looking cheerful...despite the blood splatter on his shirt. "Nothing like a good death to get rid off a hangover" he said cheerfully ignoring everyone's dark looks.

The moral of the story (for everyone but Jack) was never play I Never with Captain Jack Harkness...


End file.
